A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!

When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…

Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped :)

Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.

God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.

My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.

Life is too short smile while you still have teeth…