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Poke me now if you’ve ever had a crush on me..
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
We know that romance brings out the beast in you.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Some people say the glass is half empty. Others say it’s half full. I’m just happy to have a glass!
The key of my happiness, just forgetting my past.
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Love is blind, and greed insatiable..
Practice makes perfect, But nobody’s perfect, so why practice?
If u feel stressed, give yourself a break Eat some ice cream, chocolates, candy & cake Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS..
I wanna throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted..
hey, I found your nose. it was in my business again.
Throwing random things at people then acting like it wasn`t you.
There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few can catch your heart.
Texting with your pinky because you`re eating.
Before talking, Please connect the tongue to the brain….
Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
I don’t care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.
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