The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.

I lost a bet and I have to come here and ask the hottest girl on a date…who do you girls think is the hottest girl in this place?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips. ;-)

Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I’ve been doing since 15. ;-)

In every circle of friends there’s always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don’t have one? Then it’s probably you.

Time to put that wall back up, I won’t be fooled again.

Facebook’s next update, allowing you to check other people’s private messages.

I hate people that starts tweets with “I hate people that.”

When I die my gravestone is going to have a ‘Like’ button.

Once you begin being naughty, it is easier to go and on and on, and sooner or later something dreadful happens.

Poke me now if you’ve ever had a crush on me..

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.